VERBS
- To schmooze ‑ befriend scum
- To pitch ‑ grovel shamelessly
- To brainstorm ‑ feign preparedness
- To research ‑ procrastinate indefinitely
- To freelance ‑ collect unemployment
NOUNS
- Agent ‑ frustrated lawyer
- Producer ‑ frustrated writer
- Writer ‑ frustrated director
- Director ‑ frustrated actor
- Actor ‑ frustrated human
COMPOUND WORDS
- High concept ‑ low brow
- Entry level ‑ pays nothing
- Network approved ‑ has made them money before
FINANCIAL TERMS
- Net ‑ something that apparently doesn’t exist*
- Gross ‑ Michael Eisner’s salary
- Back End ‑ you, if you think you’ll ever see any
- Deferral ‑ don’t hold your breath
- Points ‑ see “Net” or “Back End”
COMMON PHRASES
- You can trust me ‑ You must be new
- It needs some polishing ‑ Change everything
- It shows promise ‑ It sucks
- I’d like some input ‑ I want total control
- Call me back next week ‑ Stay out of my life
- Try and punch it up ‑ I have no idea what I want
Notes:
* Sir Alec Guinness, despite his lack of love for the cheesy dialog in Star Wars Episode 4, made out like a bandit as his agent negotiated a deal for 2.25% of receipts. (There are stories that he was promised 2.5%, but didn’t quibble over it when the offer was confirmed in writing.) It’s estimated that his and his estate’s take over time was between 50 and 75 million.
A good article about why there is never a “net” profit can be found at TechDirt. If you’re an actor/actress and you’re offered part of the net, negotiate for a ham sandwich instead. At least you’ll get something.
